At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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