Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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