We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When are your genitals available?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
