I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
