Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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