I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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