I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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