god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
