Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
As shirtless as possible
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
