My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
