i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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