You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
