he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
