I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
