the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
