I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I touched a dick in church today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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