flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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