I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
