both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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