Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
