So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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