I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
