Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
