Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
