the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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