fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
