He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
