Im at strip club and am horny
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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