Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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