he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
