she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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