My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Two words: nipple clamps
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