Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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