Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
