he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
