Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
