You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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