96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize