the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
