Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
