This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
