I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize