it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
