I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
