guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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