In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
