um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
