HIV tests are more positive than that guy
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
