I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
