why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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