the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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