...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
