Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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