I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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