I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
