My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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