Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
