oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize