Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
