We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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