wakey wakey hands off snakey
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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