so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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