Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize