I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
