My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
