yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
