It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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