Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
