Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
