We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize