I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
